Hey! Howdy guys, and as always thanks a lot for the comments, help, and advice!  *sigh* I've got my problem with me being insecure.  Now it's a new one, but not about us directly.  Her family is strange to me, they don't talk about problems, and they "sweep it under the rug" so to speak.  I come from a very blunt, direct family.  I'm a shy person around people I don't know very well.  To make things more "fun" her parents don't allow her to date, we're currently courting.  As we have been the last few years.  I barely get to see here, being long-distance and all.  Throw in a lot of family time courting, and take away time for eachother.. and thats basically where I am now.  Her family doesn't seem to like me very well, because I'm more shy.  They want me to be the one to always talk, to prove my worth and show how amazing of a husband I will be.  I make small talk, and try to get things going.  I know little about them, and they I've tried emailing them, contacting them.. To talk and know them better.  They don't seem interested then, they only do when we're on "dates" to me.. courting appointments.. or w/e they call em to them. lol  It's nothing new.. me being shy around people has always left them thinking I'm upset at them.  I'm just shy, I talk to people I know, and they won't get to know me.  What can I do?  Should I put on a mask and act social around them?  Pretend to be something I'm not?  I don't think so, but as it is.. they keep telling her they don't like that I'm shy..  I hate all the drama, she's homeschooled, and her parents are a lawyer (mom) and IRS (dad) so not only are they well-off.. they're more.. they like to be.. higher classed.. is how I'd phrase it.. I'm a small town guy, from a small town in KS.. I have little to no class. lol  I'm not extremely social, nor a recluse.. Just in between.. I like who I am, and it hurts to have them be so against me.  I have a few options, disregard their opinion.. a BAD choice in my mind.. just because we "could" elope or ignore them.. doesn't mean we can escape them forever, and I'd much rather get along.  2 to put on a "mask" be a social person around them, and be Mr. Perfect so they feel safe, and assured by leaving their daughter with me.  3 forget the whole thing, and walk away from her.. this would be the equivelant of driving a stake through my heart. There's the "in love" feeling, I know thats childish to base choices on.. I love her, because I have the choice to make her happy.. I can communicate to her my love.. and let her feel appreciated, needed, and show her there's always a place for her in my arms.  I want to be romantic, so badly.. with having her family around all the time.. ya.. it kinda kills things.. courting is more social by nature.. which I most certainly am not.. I met my woman at CYIA, I was hiding in a tree from people.  Just enjoying the weather, and the splendor of that which God created.. but inevitably.. avoiding people. lol Frankly.. I assume the mask to be the "best" answer here.. They dislike me as I am.. I want this to be smooth, and the only way to keep this going, is to get along with her family.. I would do anything to make this work. If I thought it was a good decision for us.  How can I pretend to be someone I'm not in front of my future family.. that I'd even consider that.. how bad of a person am I... *sigh* we both just want to suffer through the distance, the time, and the wait.. till we can get married according to her parents.. this is proving a harder, and harder task.. I hardly think anyone has read so far into the current life of a KS man.. but if you have, may God bless you, and I ask for your prayers.. and advice, as always.  Thank you so much guys,

John

i'm tired of things in this life.. so much i find out it's just a drag... first off.. i'm a very romantic guy.. i love the girl i'm with so much.. but there's this thing.. she doesn't rely on me at all.. she trusts God, which is a great thing, don't get me wrong.. i'm a firm believe in the Word of God.  i just want to be there for her you know? she always is saying.. "He's all i need"... "I'm His first, and before all else" which is that bad? not really.. it's good to rely on God.. but i'm here for her too.. why can't she see that? am i that worthless? i understand that i can never be to her what God is.. that i can never give the right answers.. show the love He has for her.. i just can't do anything better.. so why is it she keeps me around? she says she needs me.. and that we'll be married in a couple years.. i love that idea to death.. but i'm uneasy.. why can't i just accept being lower on her line of importance? why does it bug me so much to not be relied on?... i want to be needed.. i need to have someone to trust me.. to want what pathetic advice i've learned in this world.. to have someone to lean on me.. to feel like i'm worth something.. whenever she has problems.. she never asks me.. tells me much.. or leans on me.. i know i'm useless compared to God.. but why do i feel like this? why can't i accept that i'm not the one she can rely on? what should i do to accept that? it's just.. so hard.. and she doesn't even realize she's doing it.. and wouldn't understand i doubt.. how can pathetic little human me.. compare to an almighty, allknowing, allpowerful God who loves her soo much more... i feel torn.. and confused.. like i'm trying to get her to trust me more than God.. which goes against what i believe.. but i want her trust.. i want to be the head of our family.. but it seems like i'm nothing.. like i'm just someone to cuddle with and show earthly affection to.. which i love.. don't get me wrong.. but if thats it.. i can't.. i just don't think i can go through with this marraige being just that.. i need more from her.. i need trusted.. accepted as imperfect and loved for me.. if she's always going to be comparing sinful me to a holy and perfect God.. idk if i can handle that.. any advice for me? please.. anything.. i love her.. and want so much to be with her.. but this is tearing me apart inside..

-Ace